When I was a few years old, and work was extremely scarce, my father concluded that desperate measures were necessary. So he took his family to London to live, renting a few rooms in Caterham. One day, out of the blue, the landlord chose to express his feelings privately to my mother:

"Mrs Thomas, do you know where I think you ought to take your husband?"

"No, where?"

"To a Zoo!  They tame lions there!"

My mother often repeated those words in the years that followed, as corroborative evidence in arguments and times of marital conflict. The animal-like tendencies of our father during the stressful days of the forties were, as I well remember, lion-like. (Ecclesiasticus 4:30 NEB). He preferred everyone to view him that way. He excused himself of those he deemed his weaknesses, and to console himself still further, attributed them to an irreversible inheritance from an emotionally unstable mother. However, on certain occasions, the truth would dawn upon him as a consequence of the expression on our faces; that we saw through this 'irreversible inheritance' as one solely of his own making. He routinely excused his flawed behaviour as being his 'comical' side     one to be overlooked. The family learned that on those occasions when they did deceitfully crop up, it was best to bridle one's tongue     compassion being another of his rarer qualities.

"With steel he works, and steel is his nature!"  Mam would declare, mimicking him.

Through many years of working out in all weathers steel erecting, Dad certainly developed a tough and hardy temperament. Sadly, our family, which had increased to seven, was in need of a loving relationship with the family head. But our need for love and affection from him went unanswered.

What more can I say except that I refuse to allow the wayward examples of my parents to adversely affect my own family or lead us along the same self-destructive path. I recognize that the events that crop up and the choices we make should teach us to live peacefully with one another, whether good or bad circumstances prevail at the time.

Mam always left the door open in case he should feel regret and make changes, and recognize the need for compassion;  hoping that this rare quality might pass his way and he ask it in to reside among us.

- 24 -